What's your preoccupation?

Lurking just under that average, everyday facade, everyone has some kind of preoccupation. For some, work is their life and they do what they love. I'd have to say comparatively few. Others have a bonafide hobby like collecting antiques or crafting. But a true preoccupation is more of a mental fixation, an undercurrent, a drive that can't be denied.

For example, my grandma knits and reads romance novels (why do all older ladies do this? a discussion for another time), but what she really loves is kibbutzing. That means chatting you up, coffee talk, friendly gossip. She'll kibbutz with family, friends, the other card-slingers in her regular games, and sometimes even with complete strangers in line or in a waiting room. She's really very social. Like it or not, she wants to be in on the conversation and it's sort of an unspoken understanding that when you see grandma, you get the talking. I happen to love it, so I don't mind.

Some people are preoccupied with finding a partner and deconstruct every conversation with a potential candidate to determine compatibility and hidden meaning. I tried to do that for a while and realized that it's a sure fire road to complete madness. Even if I try to figure people out, I was always too lazy and too obvious for seduction. I've always known pretty quickly whether I like someone or I don't and generally they've known, too. At 5 a.m. over coffee and frites at French Roast, I knew I liked my husband and he did too. That was the first date.

Others keep track of all the sports players and records and scores and historic sports moments...this one can be a hobby or a preoccupation depending on the person. Let's just say that I've known and loved both types. In fact, you could trace my nocturnal nature back to my childhood when I was busy attending Dodger home games while all the little children were fast asleep. Although I was usually pretty bleary-eyed in the morning for school, the upside for me was that I ate Carnation chocolate frozen malts with wooden spoons, Cool-a-Coo ice cream sandwiches and Dodger dogs with much more frequency than I should've been allowed.

So I was thinking about my personal preoccupation. I'm not 100% sure what it is. I do love cliches. Strunk and White's Elements of Style likes to tell us that cliches weaken good writing and that they are too pedestrian for literature. Maybe. But I still love them. (You probably guessed that reading this blog). Cliches endeared me to advertising.

I'd like to write an entire novel with nothing but cliches. That would be fun because I would get to put the vast treasury that I have stored into use. Plus, I could research and maybe find out what the hell some of them mean. One of my mother's favorites is, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." I spent a lot of time in childhood trying to understand what that meant and from whence it came. I'm still not sure, really. By the way, if anyone knows (horse enthusiast) please reply here. But I guess I can't say that cliches are my preoccupation.

I could say that I am preoccupied with being liked or loved, but truly I think that's just part of human nature. Anyone that says they don't have this need is lying or in denial. I also like to be proven right. But I think more than anything, I have a kind of ridiculous need to be recognized. I'm not the type of person who can be a silent partner or somebody's encouraging shadow. I need acknowledgment. Chalk it up to overachievement training or growing up blindingly middle class. I don't know. But I always wanted to be recognized for something and I think that's what makes me want to write stuff down. Then I can recognize myself for accomplishing something tangible.

Aah, that's better.