Born Again M.F.A.

I drove around Sarah Lawrence this weekend and was pleased to see how picturesque and charming it is. It has the same English country/Tudor/cottage architecture as the rest of Bronxville and much of Westchester. It's quite a small campus, though, compared to where I spent my undergraduate career. It's smallness gave me trepidation. How can such an institution have a name with weight? How can the program truly be comprehensive if there are only a handful of students and faculty? How can I be accepted if there are dozens or hundreds of applicants for a single digit class size? How will I know if the program is even what I need?

I've had many conversations about why I want this degree. I'm not entirely sure what all my motivations are, but I know that I will feel a great sense of accomplishment if I'm able to do it. It was a struggle for me to get through college between working two jobs, having little passion for my major, lacking effective study habits and just plain tiredness. Oh and there was that little habit of wanting to attend parties every weekend and, uh, meeting eligible gentlemen (boys, as it were). At a certain point, you just stop caring and plow through like a mule. Maybe this second degree is a means of redemption in my own mind.

I just want some respect. Is it so much to ask? It's funny that an anti-authoritarian like me actually wants to be in a position of respect. It's all too ironic and psychology textbook-like. I want to make a living doing something I love, contribute something positive to my own reputation, for once, and leave a proud legacy. It's amazing how I can persist in my (delusional?) optimism despite so many shoeprints on my face.